How to Become a Doctor: Ben’s Journey in Pictures

American University of the Caribbean, arizona, AUC, Blog, California, Caribbean, International Travel, Michigan, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten, United States

Ben graduated from residency! He’s now a full-fledged physician.

If you’ve been following our journey for a while, you’ve seen snippets of his path to medicine through stories of our lives at American University of the Caribbean in Sint Maarten, to Detroit, to Arizona, to California, and back to Arizona.

But I have yet to share the process from start to finish. Here’s what it takes for someone to travel from high school student to doctor.

High School in Kenya: Discovering His Calling

Ben’s interest in medicine started when he nearly died of spinal meningitis in Kenya during high school.

After graduating high school, Ben flew to the States with two bags and a couple hundred dollars in his pocket. He started college at Arizona Christian University.

College in Arizona: Pre-Med

Ben and his lab partner, Bizi, in pre-med classes at Arizona Christian University.

Ben worked on pre-med and began to tackle the Medical College Admissions Test. Studying for the MCAT was a lot of work.

Graduating from college was just the beginning of his path into medicine.

Gap Years: Applying for Med School

Ben taught science for two years while applying to med school (and waiting for me to graduate).

We got married in 2014.

In 2015, we traveled to Los Angeles for Ben’s interview with American University of the Caribbean.

Med School in the Caribbean: Learning How to Become a Doctor

Soon, we were on a flight to Sint Maarten for medical school.

Arrival in Sint Maarten. We were as exhausted as we look.

Ben’s white coat ceremony was the first of many reasons to celebrate during med school.

Most of students’ time in med school is spent in class or studying.

Bern studied constantly (we made that shelf out of two trash cans and a board from the dumpster).

We had fun in the Caribbean, too. Here’s Matt and Ben surfing.

We loved living on the island.

Getting into the community to volunteer and make friends was my favorite part.

Hard work paid off! Ben made the dean’s list each semester of medical school in Sint Maarten.

Lab work for a zika virus study was a great opportunity.

Med school honor and service society. Can you spot Ben?

We moved home from Sint Maarten after two years. We gained a dog.

Clinical Rotations in the States: Immersion in Hospital Work

Ben was a third-year med student in Michigan. He did one year there, nine months in Arizona, and three in California.

We spent a lot of time at home in Detroit since we were both in school and I was working from home.

The 4th year of medical school is a student’s 20th year of schooling.

For med school year four, Ben transferred to a hospital in Arizona so we could be near family.

Ben became a daddy during fourth year of medical school.

Residency interviews took Ben all over the country. I went with him to this one in Palm Springs.

Match Day during the last clinical rotation in Bakersfield, CA! Ben matched at his #1 choice of residency. We got to move home to Phoenix.

We went to Florida for med school graduation.

Quite the crowd of family members attended Ben’s med school graduation. He had a huge cheering section!

Residency in Phoenix: First Three Years as a Doctor

Here’s the official Dr. Johnson in his long white coat at work. Ben spent 3 years in his internal medicine residency.

Residency is tough, and not just because of the 28-hour shifts. Working in the ICU during a pandemic was draining.

But he made it. Finally, residency graduation! Oh, happy day!

After 11 years of this journey, we’re celebrating the end of a chapter. Can’t wait to jump into the next one!

Home Sweet Home

American University of the Caribbean, arizona, AUC, Blog, Uncategorized, United States

There’s no place like home. Especially when you know you’ll get to call it home for a while.

Kayaking the Salt River for our anniversary

2014
2019

Ben and I celebrated our fifth anniversary a week ago! We realized that we’ve experienced a lot in our half-decade of marriage. Most notably, we survived Ben’s med school journey. I also survived my master’s program. We moved twelve times, living in two countries and three states. We had a baby. I can’t even remember how many jobs we’ve had.

But the transition is over!

You know, it’s fun to list all the different things we’ve done, but it sure does feel flighty at the same time. We’ve both been reading Grit by Angela Duckworth (Ben had it first and I snag it to read when he’s busy), which talks about how most people who excel in their field stick with things and pursue goals over a long period of time. It doesn’t seem like our lives have really characterized that over the past few years, but in the end, it was all to pursue this thing called an M.D. And now we’re on to the next stage.

Flying home after Ben’s graduation! We were on TV at the San Antonio airport.

When it’s all said and done, it was fun to try a bunch of different things, but I’m glad we’ll be sticking with a routine for a while. We were gritty enough to get through med school, and I think we can be gritty enough to be OK with the daily grind, too.

Little Man will appreciate that, too, I think. We were finally able to get him a crib. At eight and half months old, he’s finally out of the pack-and-play and can depend on sleeping in the same place for more than a few weeks at a time.

We also bought a couch. That doesn’t sound too exciting, but to me, it was an indication that we’re staying here for a while and not getting furniture with moving in mind. We’ve never bought a couch before. My parents gave us our first one, and we’ve just had futons and things that came with furnished apartments since then. It was fun to pick one out- and the people who sold it to us at their garage sale invited us over for dinner, too! A couch and new friends in the neighborhood. Doesn’t get better than that.

We’re actually planting things, too. To be honest, the best I’ve done so far is put some pots in the backyard and grow some chives in the kitchen, but it’s a start. Quite literally, we are “putting down roots.”

It’s good to be home.

Fort Willem

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Nature, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten, Spouses Organization, Uncategorized

Breathlessly, we broke through the trees and cactus patches. Below us, the island spread like a lazy sea otter, floating peacefully on the blue ocean. Above us, we could see the antiquated stones peeking out from among the brambles. We had found it: the lost fortress.

Sound like the beginning to an adventure novel? Well, sometimes living on Sint Maarten felt like being a character in an adventure novel. I didn’t stick to the beaten path much when I lived there, so I often found myself on some old goat trail leading to a lonely summit (fun!), the dump (not fun), or a tangle of poison apple trees (even less fun). Today’s hike, though, led me and my husband, Ben, to the ruins of the island’s original fort.

Fort Willem was the first of three forts built on the island. It was constructed by the British in 1801 to protect the new territory from invading colonists and pirates. Apparently, it wasn’t particularly effective, because not long after, the fort was captured by the Dutch. The Dutch named it Fort Willem, after their king, but didn’t use it for more than a few decades. The fort offered awesome views of the bay, but unfortunately was too high and too far inland to effectively cannonball the enemy. Fort Amsterdam, built near Fort Willem but much closer to the water, was constructed to replace it.

Fort Willem is on every map of the island, and it’s advertised as a fun outing by several websites and tour companies who have apparently never been to Sint Maarten. Just because a location is labeled on a map and it looks close to the tourism district does not mean it’s a great little experience for every tourist. Especially when you’re on an island made of really tall HILLS. Fort Willem is ridiculously hard to find. And you’re guaranteed to end up bleeding in at least one place by the time you reach the fortress.

That being said, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go anyway! If you like hiking and don’t mind a little adventure, you’ll have a blast hunting for the fort.

How Not to Get There:

I spent weeks asking around about the location of Fort Willem. The map I had wasn’t quite clear about which labeled hill corresponded to the undulating mounds of earth near Philipsburg. But nobody, local or expat, had been there or could tell me where it was. A lot of people didn’t even know what what I was talking about. But I was determined to visit every accessible location labeled on my SXM map (which I eventually did!), so I didn’t give up.

Fort Willem is located on- surprise!- Willem Hill, next to Cay Hill. There are two ways to get to the top. The first way includes near-death experiences and trespassing on a TV tower. This was the way we got up. We parked across from Sonesta Great Bay Resort and followed a winding road- deceptively named Fort Willem Road- up the hill. It was incredibly steep. When we got to the end of the paved road, we followed what started out as a well-worn dirt path. As the path went on, it became narrower and less beaten down. I guess there had been a lot of relic-hunters like us who gave up and went back at this point. They were smarter than us.

The path started to lead us along treacherously steep drop-offs and through tiny gaps in the thorn trees. I don’t even know how we squeezed through while fending off the wasps, but we did.

“I think this is a goat path,” I told Ben, who agreed with me and wondered aloud if we should go back. We decided we might not survive that trip a second time, and continued on. The best part thus far was the STUNNING views of Philipsburg and Pond Island.

If you find yourself here, you’re in the wrong place

Once we’d scrambled up some slippery dirt inclines, followed an ancient boundary wall built by people enslaved by the Dutch, circumnavigated a cactus forest, and bushwhacked through the thick undergrowth, we finally came to what looked like a really old building wall. Finally! We climbed up, and to our dismay, found ourselves on the foundation of a TV tower. Yikes!

At this point, I started worrying that we’d trespassed AGAIN and might get in trouble this time. Vowing to only follow human trails from then on, we got out of the TV tower area as fast as possible.

What did we find on the other side of the tower? Why, a road, of course. A nice, beautiful paved road leading up the side of the hill from the street below.

Armed with this new discovery, and now feeling much better about the trip down, we began to search for the fort.

To be honest, there’s not much left of Fort Willem. I heard a rumor that some of the stones were used to build Fort Amsterdam once Willem was abandoned. We could now see Amsterdam below us…. hundreds of feet down, it stood like a LEGO structure on the end of its peninsula. Maybe they just rolled the stones down the hill?

After a few minutes of searching, we finally found the ruins of the wall and battlements of Fort Willem. Overgrown by bushes and invisible from the road below, the wall offers a breathtaking view of the island and the sea. Wow! It did require a climb, but the end result was worth it. We sat on the wall and tried to imagine what it must have been like to man the guns from all the way up here, long before the buildings and cruise ships appeared below.

How to Get to Fort Willem

Now that I’ve described the first way to get up, I should probably tip you off on the second, and far better, way up the hill. The road we found was a much better route. We followed it down and back to our car without incident.

Walking back to our car…. down and around the hill

If you’re going toward Philipsburg from the Simpson Bay area, you’ll go right past the road leading up to Fort Willem. When you get to the part of the road between the hospital and Little Bay, look for Otter Road. Otter joins up with Camel Road, which is the road you need to take.

You can drive most of the way up, or park in the neighborhood below and hike up.

This is definitely one of the most painful and more random excursions available on Sint Maarten. If you’re looking for a cool hike and you only have a few days on the island, go to Pic Paradis or Belvue. If you want to see a fort, go to Fort Amsterdam or Fort Louis. But if you want to go off the beaten path and do some Indiana Jones type exploring, Fort Willem is always waiting for you!

Temporary Californians

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, California, International Travel, United States

We are Californians for the next ten weeks! Ben has 67 days of med school left- but who’s counting- and he’s doing it in Kern County.

Every time I tell someone we’re living in Cali for a while, they get excited about the beach and tell me how awesome it will be to live by the ocean. I guess when you live in Arizona, any proximity to water is exciting. A sad but true bit of Arizona trivia is that real estate with a canal view is expensive.

Actually, though, it’s winter in NorCal. Or is this central Cal? So there’s that. Also, Kern County is sadly nowhere near the beach, and even if it were, I wouldn’t be that excited. After two years of living a five-minute stroll from a Caribbean beach, the cold, sharky waters on the nearest coast aren’t worth the drive more than once or twice. I think I might be ruined forever, as far as beaches go.

Beaches aside, it’s kind of fun to live under the bear flag for a while! So far, we’ve been two places. The first is Wal-Mart. We discovered that you have to pay 10 cents per plastic shopping sack here. As inconvenient as that sounds, I was actually kind of glad that we’ll be forced to use our own shopping bags here. In Detroit, where we lived last year, most people apparently hate the environment because there is trash literally everywhere. Not kidding… People on our complex used to chuck their trash bags off the balcony into the trees when they didn’t feel like taking it to the dumpster. We got so sick of it, we started taking reusable bags to the store as a silent protest against littering. Unless we went to Aldi, it was easy to cheat on our resolution… But you better believe that won’t happen here. No way I’m paying for bags.

The second place we went was the Civic Musical Road, which plays “William Tell” when you drive it! It’s so cool! Ben and I were both grinning like little kids on Christmas when we drove over it, turned around, and drove it again.

I didn’t take photos of Wal-Mart, because that would be weird. I also didn’t take pictires of the musical road, since I was driving. But here’s a picture of Kito in our Cali home to hold you over til the next California update!

First Day of 20th Grade

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog

It’s that time of year…. you know, when all the moms are posting cute photos of their kids holding Pinteresty signs announcing what grade they are about to begin. Not to be outdone, I was sure to take a photo of my (very cooperative) husband on his first day of med school year four:

Folks, this is the last first day of school for him. Ever. Twenty-plus years of school is enough. Next year, I’ll have him post for a “first day of work as a doctor” photo. But I probably won’t ask him to hold a sign.

I decided to find his other “first day of school” photos. I took them every year, usually chasing him out the door at the last minute because I just remembered I wanted a picture. His first year of medical school, we actually got a pretty nice photo for the first day of school, which was his white coat ceremony:

I’m not positive which photo is the “first day” photo from med school year 2, but here’s a photo from that year:

You can see Kito is enjoying her favorite perch, which is always behind Ben in whatever chair he happens to be sitting in.

Here’s last year, the third year of medical school, with his white coat freshly ironed on his way to his first family medicine rotation at the clinic:

And, of course, I can’t forget to do a throwback to his first day of college. This picture is provided by his Aunt Barb, who dropped him off at school not long after he arrived in Arizona from Tanzania.

Hard to believe that was almost ten years ago, in 2009!

So, what does 20th grade look like for Ben? Well, for the first four weeks, he has a subinternship rotation in internal medicine. He works 60-some hours a week over six days. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty sad to lose that Saturday with him. BUT- they aren’t requiring any overnight on-call shifts, so that is a major benefit. He doesn’t get “paternity leave,” since he’s a student, but fortunately he can take a couple of days when the baby is born. I’m hoping the baby decides to make his grand debut on one of Ben’s days off. Baby is due September 26, during his last week on this rotation, We’ll see if he comes on time or early. Or late– who knows?

After that, we’re not sure what Ben’s schedule will be. I figure that all of the rotations will probably be pretty intense, but at this point it’s just about getting through everything until April, when he’ll finish his last rotation. He just took the 9-hour USMLE Step 2 exam two weeks ago, which means no massive exams to study for this year! Phew!

After so much school, it’s hard to believe Ben’s almost done. It will be pretty weird to have neither of us in school for the first time ever! But it will also be pretty awesome.

Two Things

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog

There are two things you should know about me before I write any posts on travel or adventure. Which I certainly plan to do now that I have finished my master’s program! It will be nice to write for fun again, rather than cranking out academic papers. I have definitely been enjoying reading for fun again!

The first life event is our move to Phoenix. Ben and I are back! I arrived a couple of weeks ago, and Ben just rolled into town yesterday. Ben will be doing the next semester of medical school at a hospital in the downtown area. We don’t know where we will be for his next (and last!) semester.

The second life event is that we are welcoming Johnson #3 in September! Baby boy is due to arrive on September 26. Currently, I am about 32 weeks along! Just a few more weeks before we get to meet him.

Well, there’s a quick update on our lives! A lot of change, and a lot of things to look forward to.

The One about Grad School

AUC, Blog, Uncategorized

Hi everyone, I am still alive and well!

I have received some emails and texts recently from people who are concerned that I have disappeared from the internet. Thank you guys, that means a lot! It has been a while since I’ve blogged or posted on Facebook. I guess there’s a reason that most people announce that they’re taking a break for a while!

Honestly, though, I didn’t take a break intentionally. I’ve just been really busy and exhausted lately. That’s the thing about grad school, at least in my experience– sometimes you have nothing to do for school and you have a lot of free time, but you can’t fill that up with regular activities because when the workload comes, it drops like an anvil from a cartoon sky scraper.

As some of you know, I have been working to earn a master’s degree in Refugee Protection and Forced Migration Studies from University of London. I am attending classes online, which has been convenient in terms of frequent and short-notice moves but very difficult in terms of getting the full grad school experience, including academic support.

Although it has been very difficult, I’ve managed to pass all my classes and learn a lot about my subject area. This past semester has been pretty intense. I have been working three jobs, and between that at the reading assignments, my life has been pretty busy. And I’ll be honest–after staring at a computer screen for up to 15 hours a day, I don’t really have the motivation to type any more.

We also have had a weird schedule this semester, which makes it hard for us to get out and do stuff. Ben’s doing his surgery rotation for med school right now. He is gone at least 12 hours a day. We get up a 3:45 a.m. so that he will have time to eat breakfast, warm up the car, and drive to the hospital through the ice and snow. I have been taking advantage of the early hours to teach more classes for VIPKID. I’ll be honest, though, I don’t really mind the early hours because I love my job! It’s easy to start the day early when you’re doing it with a smile and a happy kid on the other side of the screen.

Click here to learn how to work for VIPKID

At the beginning of this month, I took the hardest final I’ve ever done. It consisted of two 4,000 word essays on political science topics. Since it was worth 70% of my overall semester grade and I only had ten days to do it, it was pretty intense. It wasn’t fun, but I feel pretty accomplished that I managed it and I think I turned out some of my best work yet. I hope my teachers agree! I jumped from that back into work on my dissertation, which is worth 70% of my overall grade for my degree. As you can imagine, it’s a lot of pressure. I signed up for it, though, and I’m determined to finish strong!

My dissertation is due on March 26, so until then I’ll probably lay low. I am looking forward to the end of March, when Ben’s surgery rotation ends, my dissertation is submitted, and the snow melts! This season of life is good, but I won’t be sad to see it go. March means exploring Detroit and blogging more! I can’t promise I’ll write much until then, and I hope you’ll come back around once this blog comes out of hibernation again.

About Survivor’s Guilt

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten

This is a short one, I promise. But maybe it’s one you can relate to, as well.

If you read my last couple posts, you know that the horrific destruction of St. Martin by hurricane Irma was devastating to me. It was really hard for me to cope at all for about a week after the storm hit.

I felt so guilty, so angry, so stupid for having trouble coping when I was even personally affected by the storm. I was a little offended at my own reaction, and I was afraid other people would be, as well.

And then something unexpected happened. Other people were having the same feelings I was. Other people were hitting the same mile markers of grief that I was. I got a lot of great supportive texts and emails from other people in the time between the hurricane and the time we actually had regular communication with the island again.

In the words of my husband, Ben, “It’s OK to feel what you feel.” An article on survivor’s guilt that my friend Lezlie sent me said that all these feelings are normal. The faster we allow them to surface, the faster we can be OK again.

So if you were practically unaffected by Jose, Irma, Harvey or Maria and you’re feeling grief and guilt that you don’t understand, it’s alright.

You can do something with those feelings, too. You take your compassion and sadness and turn them into love. Let’s love on these places that were hit by the hurricanes!

Here’s an article I wrote for The Vacation Times about helping St. Martin. Supporting my island will help me to heal, and it can help you to heal, as well.

Post Hurricane Thoughts

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten, Spouses Organization, Third Culture Kids, Uncategorized

Well, I’m probably over-posting on Facebook about Hurricane Irma and the devastation it caused in Saint Martin. I have an awful lot to say about it, though, especially as new updates keep coming through. I figure if you want to know what I have to say about the situation, you’ll read this. And look– here you are!

Med Students are OK

After a semi-sleepless night a couple days ago and plenty of tears, I finally started hearing from friends who had been out of contact for a day after the storm.

The people who sheltered in American University of the Caribbean are safe, and not only that, anyone with any medical training (even first semester med students) are volunteering in a makeshift clinic! They even delivered a baby! What a birth story.

Many of the students, spouses and kids were able to evacuate to Puerto Rico. Many others, mostly students, stayed behind.

Tom and Lisa are OK

If you follow me on social media, you probably know a bit about Tom and Lisa Burnett, who ran Player Development Program in Sint Maarten.

I used to go there most days to tutor and mentor the kids. Player Development blew away and the pieces are yet to be found.

But Tom and Lisa (plus their four dogs) are safe! I could breathe easier after I found that out. Their neighborhood was hit very hard.

They survived the storm huddled on a mattress under their table, both of them plus of the four dogs. They stayed there all day, through the storm and even after their roof was ripped off. I am shaking right now just thinking about it.

Still Waiting to Hear from Local Friends

I started following more SXM residents on social media to keep up with videos and photos. Many people seem to be OK and in shelter, but strictly rationing food and water, and in perhaps in pain.

The need help but it is hard to know what to do. Samaritan’s Purse has a fund now, and I they are delivering much needed help! If you want to help, give to them. But I haven’t heard much else, although a friend of mine with a Canadian Rotary Club is planning to try to ship down supplies and suggested that I call my local airport to see which airlines are willing to ship relief supplies down.

I haven’t heard from too many people since the main cell tower was taken out by the storm, and the power company as well, I believe.

Our former foster son, Roland and Laura Richardson, the families from my baseball team, the foster homes, the staff at the medical school, and many other friends still aren’t online yet. So keep praying.

I just keep thinking about how bad I’ve been at communication lately. My life is so out of control right now and I put everyone else on the back burner. I guess you don’t realize you’re doing that until your friends are in a life-threatening situation and you remember that the last thing you said was some stupid thing about doughnuts or worse, nothing at all for the past few weeks.

There’s nothing like the fear that you might have lost someone to make you think of all the stuff you wish you said to them last week.

I’m Grieving

I think I’m going through the stages of grief. I’m partially in denial, because how can those photos be real when they don’t match my memories? That flooded street covered in debris was a sunlit lane when I walked down it just a few months ago.

I can close my eyes and go back to the way it was. I can see and hear and feel and smell every part of the island.

I can hear the way it sounds to knock on the door of one of my baseball kid’s house. In my mind it is still there.

I can feel the gravel at player development under my feet and see the books and toys and everything.

I can see the view from my old balcony like I am standing there again. Pretty sure that balcony blew away.

I can taste the shawarmas at Little Jerusalem and hear the “clink, clink” of Abe and Cathy chopping up meat on the grill.

But then there are those photos of the destruction, the videos of the looting. It’s hard to reconcile.

I Should Be There

And there is this overwhelming sense of guilt, because somehow I feel like I am supposed to be there.

Maybe I wouldn’t be saying this if I’d actually gone through it, but I’d rather have stuck out the day in AUC, where the hurricane shelter was strong and safe, than be here wondering and waiting and watching from afar.

I’d rather be out dragging palm fronds off the street right now. Or something else useful. Maybe that sounds dumb, and maybe it is dumb.

It’s stupid to want to be stuck on an island when so many people are suffering and desperately awaiting help and wanting to leave.

I feel stupid. And useless.

People reading this are probably going to think I’m trying to be some kind of weird martyr or something, but I think I’m just really emotional and stressed out.

I actually called Jet Blue yesterday to find out if I can fly down and when, but I couldn’t get through because they’re too busy handling the crisis.

I don’t even know what I would do if I did go. It’s not like they need more people to use up rations, anyway.

So anyway, now we’re both depressed, you’re welcome. Maybe I should go back to journaling instead of blogging.

That’s what things look like from my perspective.

Now just waiting for Irma to hit Florida, and I can’t wait until that is done and the power is back and I can hear from everyone.

Photo Credit Flash Meteo Antilles

Sint Maarten: In the Eye of Hurricane Irma

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten

Today is one of the worst days in SXM history.

Today is the day that Hurricane Irma hit, with Jose close on its heels.

Twenty-two years ago to the day, Hurricane Luis devastated the island, wreaking havoc and destroying the homes and livelihoods of so many.

I have walked through La Belle Creole, a resort that was destroyed by Luis. The ruins of the building, blown out windows, scattered furniture, and torn drapes, became a frequent haunt of mine. I could not imagine the winds that whipped the concrete walls into such shapes.

And now it’s happening again.

Just yesterday, Saint Martin was as I remember it: 37 beautiful beaches, architecture historic and new, brightly colored homes lined up neatly at the ocean’s edge.

When I go back, nothing will be the same. All the places I love will be gone. Will I recognize beautiful Soualiga?

The places might be gone, but as long as the people are OK, that is enough.

Photo Credit Flash Mateo Antilles

There was a terrible space of a few hours when all was silent on the island. The live camera at Holland House abruptly cut out, and the outside world had no contact with the island.

Here, in my new home in Michigan, the clear, blue skies and sunshine seem to mock the screaming destruction on the island.

Finally, Saint Martin has entered the eye of the hurricane. People are emerging from their safe spaces to assess the damage and find more secure places to stay.

I breath a sigh of relief every time I saw a post on Facebook from a friend.

But I cried at each new photo and video.

The island is under water.

The government buildings are destroyed, said the news.

They say 7,000 French Caribbean people refused to take shelter.

They say the historic buildings are wrecked.

I can see that the cars are all destroyed. Where will people come up with the money for new cars?

I can see buildings I know with roofs ripped off and water feet deep inside.

I can see people milling about in disbelief.

The eye of Hurricane Irma is twice as large as my tiny island.

Photo Credit Flash Meteo Antilles

What do you do in times like this? I know many of my friends are safe and secure on the campus of American University of the Caribbean, a category five hurricane shelter. But many people are not there.

Many people will take shelter, but still lose their houses.

Many people have actual homes on the island, and not just rented apartments and dorms.

The maelstrom around my island is mirrored by a maelstrom in my mind.

Photo credit Cyriel Richardsom

What is sunshine?

What is birdsong?

My reality cannot be real,

Not when the storm is the only reality for my island.

There’s something painfully agonizing about not being there.

Part of me is glad I moved away before the storm.

Photo Credit RCI

Part of me wishes I was there to help with the clean up.

I know I’d be OK in the basement of the medical school.

I know I could help rebuild.

But I can’t do that from here, and it’s making me sad already.

The damage isn’t even done, and the second half of the storm is still on its way.

Some stupid article about Donald Trump’s Saint Martin home keeps landing in the top posts on Google.

Who cares about Donald Trumps freaking house?

I doubt even Donald Trump cares about his freaking house.

I don’t care about an empty vacation home on Plum Bay going down.

I care about the shipping container homes on Pond Island.

I care about the family homes and foster homes in Dutch Quarter and St. Peter’s.

I care about the little beach houses in Philipsburg.

I care about the houses of all shapes and sizes filled with people I love and people I’ve never met.

I’m amazed that GEBE survived the storm and that power is still on.

I’m thankful, too, to see posts on Facebook and Twitter.

I’m glad you are OK.

What amazes me is that in the midst of the storm, people are praising God.

In a video of the destruction, a woman thanked God for being alive, even as she showed the wreckage of her hometown and Jeep.

My friend posted this video on Facebook: Made a Way by Travis Greene.

It’s strange how so much loss puts things in perspective. When everything is lost, the people of Saint Martin are thanking God for the things they still have: their lives and each other.

Why did God let a storm like this hit Saint Martin?

I wish I had the answer to that.

But I’m glad to see that people can still say he is good when everything in their lives has suddenly been lost in the storm.

Stay strong, SXM. Stay faithful.

This storm is going to hit a lot of places, but there are those of us on the outside who are thinking of you and praying for you.

There are people who are crying tears for you even as you are in hurricane shelters.

There are people who see your pain and feel it with you.

You’ve recovered from storms before. You can do it again.

Saint Martin can’t be taken down by the wind and the rain.

Breana Johnson

Award-winning fiction with suspense, adventure, and romance

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